either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
