So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize