Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You made out with two different species that night
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
