we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
