Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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