my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Come see our sink grown plant.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
