Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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