I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
