i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize