How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize