There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
