between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
