He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
