She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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