Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
