When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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