I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Operation Purity has been aborted
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
