careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
