I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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