I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
