Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Randomize