so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
