if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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