I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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