I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
