Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize