the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
