I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
