no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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