i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
