Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
