There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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