There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
