You work out of a Hotel?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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