Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
