so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
