i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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