When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wish you could order shots online.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
