im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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