I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
