He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
