I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
