Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
