u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize