I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
