Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I believe in your delicious
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
