She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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