i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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