i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize