I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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