i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
