Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
