why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
