I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
