my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize