I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
