yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
