Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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