No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
