fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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