Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
