hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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