When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
