I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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