so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize