peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
