So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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