She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
