literally had 100 drinks last night.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it was like his penis was on wheels.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
