I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize