you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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