oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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