So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize