Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
