i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
