I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
