i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize