Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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