I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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