if i can run in heels then i can drive
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
