i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize