I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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