i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
