I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You smell like stripper and shame
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
