I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
