Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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