i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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