Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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